Information for friends and family
When gambling is a problem, the gambler may lie to their family and friends about the extent of their gambling or the amount of money they have lost. Discovering that money for household expenses is gone or that the family home is at risk is a terrible shock for the non-gambling partner. You may feel angry, hurt and betrayed.
As a person without a problem often you can't understand why the person with the gambling problem doesn't just stop. It is important that you remember that you cannot control their behaviour and you are not to blame. You need to focus away from their behaviour and deal with your own feelings. This will help you see the gambler as someone in crisis and out of control. This will allow you to be supportive and understand your feelings and not apply pressure about their behaviour. While it is important that you support them in their struggle, you should not take the burden on yourself. Saying things like "I can't do this for you, but I will be with you while you do it" can be helpful in these circumstances.
Counselling services - including financial and legal services- are available for you. Even if the gambler is unwilling to admit that they have a problem, family members and friends may wish to seek help on their own. Finding out about your options and strategies can assist you in your decision making.
Warning signs of a possible problem gambler
Here's what you should look for:
The person you care about may have a problem with gambling if they demonstrate five or more of the following characteristics:
- Is preoccupied with gambling (eg preoccupied with reliving past gambling experiences, handicapping or planning the next venture, or thinking of ways to get money with which to gamble).
- Needs to gamble with increasing amounts of money in order to achieve the desired excitement.
- Has repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back or stop gambling.
- Is restless or irritable when attempting to stop or cut down gambling.
- Gambles as a way of escaping problems or of relieving feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety or depression.
- After losing money gambling, often returns another day to recoup losses.
- Lies to family members or others to conceal the extent of their involvement with gambling.
- Has committed illegal acts such as forgery, fraud, theft or embezzlement to finance gambling.
- Has jeopardized or lost a significant relationship, job, educational or career opportunity because of gambling.
- Relies on others to provide money to relieve a desperate financial situation caused by gambling.
(source: Richard Rosenthal, M.D. & Henry Lesieur, Ph.D.)
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Last reviewed 7 May 2009
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